I didn’t work hard in high school to get accepted into college to work towards a career that YOU wanted for my future. Start getting used to the fact that I need to start living my life and making my own decisions.
I used to avoid cursing, but there’s something oddly cathartic about profanity. Something satisfying about letting your angst be reflected in your language, about the word slipping out of the tongue like a slow burning kindle that finally ignited…
fuck. shit. bitch. damn.
So fucking relevant right now
The little things really do make a difference.
Sylvia Plath (via sanmeetk)
I really need better command of the English language. The impact that certain words have over others - one makes a big difference. I need it so that I can better articulate my thoughts and better communicate with others. My lack of eloquence and word control just fucked me over. What the hell have I done? Whay the hell did I just say?
How is it that I can consistently hurt the ones who care about and love me. I take their prescence for granted, unaware of the consequences of my actions, unaware that I’m hurting them. And by the time I am aware, it feels like it’s too late. I can see how deeply the thorn of my actions has pierced them; they tolerate it, not doing anything, because taking it out only hurts more. I can come up with a million excuses to justify my actions but in the end only I am to blame. Efforts to change seem futile since I always regress to the errors of my past. What is wrong with me? Why am I so self absorbed that I can’t even change for those who I say, and really do mean, are the most important people in my life? I need to change. Seeing those loved ones hurt because of me, in lack of better terms, makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to lose them over something I had total control over, myself.
I try so hard to control every moment of my life thinking that everything needs to be perfect but really, that just stresses me out. Rarely do things go my way. But these spontaneous moments - I can find happiness and bliss. Just a random thought. Good night, world!
Where have you been in my faith life that you suddenly have a place to preach to me about religion, traditions, and faith? You go to church - for what? You go out of routine. You go because you have to take me, not for your own faith. At first I went because I had to; I cared little for my own faith. As I grew older, I developed a sense of my identity and faith. I can hardly recall an instance where YOU directly contributed in my spiritual development. I always heard “Families that pray together, stay together.” Desperately, I longed for that but I was always scared. I never found the courage to ask for us to pray together since I could see that faith meant little to this family; we all went purely out of routine - what else would we do on a Sunday?
And here it is, Ash Wednesday and you’re asking me why I refuse to eat meat and that my giving up of meat could hardly be called a sacrifice and that instead it’s more of a nuisance? But then again, why am I so repulsed that you even asked me that? What does it mean to sacrifice something? I’ve lost in touch with myself and with God. I’m in a slump, searching for a sign to slap me in the face and regain consciousness. I’m living but I’m asleep. I don’t know what I’m doing with myself or my faith life. But I guess that’s what I’ve always liked about Lent. It’s always around this time of year where I begin to reevaluate my faith life. While I haven’t decided what I’m giving up, I hope that I will invigorate my prayer life; I need it. I need to find myself again. So here’s to the next 40 days of Lent.
Making amends, slowly but surely. “You can’t have everything” they say but I’m certainly going to at least try.
I always get close to someone at the expense of drifting away from someone else. I’ve been making excuses to myself to justify it but that’s really no reason to leave good friends behind.
Zedd - Clarity
I’m so obsessed with this song.
a-z (: only going anonymous because I don't want new followers i think you know it's me HA
There’s something missing. I can’t put my finger to it, but something just doesn’t feel right. Or it’s just me over-thinking again…